In Britain we are lousy at talking about sex. When it comes to thinking about it we are not too bad. Statistics suggest that men have around nineteen sexual thoughts a day which is twice as many than women. From my work I think that this might be an under estimate, especially where men are concerned. Some of the men I work with would be having thirteen sexual thoughts an hour, or maybe more.

I have a suggestion that we extend the day and perhaps we could make it ‘Talk About Sex Day’, because the sexual problems that exist between people in a relationship are not really what they think about, it is more about what they talk about, or really what they do not talk about. When did you last talk about sex with your partner?

Or, perhaps we could take it just a little further and make the connection between sex and love. It is not that sex has to be associated with love, it is often connected more to lust, but the idea of Valentine’s day is about love and relationships. We make the connection when we describe sex as ‘making love’.

So, my bid is that we make Valentine’s Day ‘Talk About Sex Day’, and then we might all just get a little closer. And, if in these discussions you raise issues that need to be dealt with get some psychosexual counselling and sort it out. The SAA details are below if you need some advice, or someone to talk to they may help.

Take care and have a good Valentine’s Day

Sean x

The Sexual Advice Associationprovides information and support on all things related to male and female sexual health. They even offer a confidential helpline to respond to queries.

February 14th is a celebration of love, happiness and relationships. Across the world people will be declaring and reaffirming love for each other in a tradition that goes back thousands of years. These different expressions of love will be as varied as the people who express them.Cards, chocolates, champagne and flowers seem to have been the staple gifts for many years. However, these days such gifts may not work too well with many women. Women tell me that they want romance, and more romance than there is in a bunch of flowers.

Believe it or not, many men want some romance as well.

It was always said that the way to a man’s heart is through his stomach. I think that applies to woman as well. Good food is sensual, and sensuality is foreplay and foreplay, when directed, leads to sexuality, and sexuality leads to orgasm. A good meal in a lovely setting may just be the aphrodisiac that leads you to an evening of passion. Better still why not eat at home and cook a special meal that you know your partner will love. And, if you like doing things together perhaps cooking together will get you in the mood and tune you in to each other.

Tuning into each other is the practise of Tantra. The word Tantra, much famed by Sting, with the promise of prolonged sex, means ‘woven together’. The act and purpose of foreplay is to tune into each other, this is the weaving of Tantra, that leads to sensual and sexual pleasure. When woven together two people become one, they merge together in sensual bliss.

If you are into getting really sensual, after your meal, you might enjoy a nice light oil, such as grape seed, with an essence, of perhaps lavender or geranium, a warm fire, a soft blanket, candle light, some nice sounds, and a deep massage. Perhaps taking it in turns. Most of all having some fun as you weave and tune into each others bodies and each others hearts.

For the Greeks the power of sexual love was embodied in Aphrodite, for the Romans, it was Venus, later the Christian world adopted St Valentine on his saints day of February 14th. If your interested in learning more about Tantric sex visit the site I set up for the book I launched last year.

Tantra, Sex, Orgasm & Meditation

Buy the softback

Buy for Kindle

Have a wonderful Valentine’s day and don’t forget ladies 2012 is a leap year and your chance to propose!

With Love,

Sean x

To the western mind, the dragon was always something to be feared, the fear of dragons living at the edge of the world, “there be dragons”.   Though the medieval knight, as a hero, would seek to fight the dragon as an honour.  This was as a moral victory, often set in a spiritual journey to spiritual perfection.  The myth was that of the knight slaying a dragon to save a maiden.  In psychology we would often use phrases such as “facing your dragons” as clients come to terms with their fears and phobias.  St George, the patron saint of England, was the quintessential hero and dragon slayer.

In Chinese folklore the dragon is respected and revered, honoured for bringing luck, success and ambition to those under its influence. As such, it is one of the most auspicious of the zodiac signs.  Related to leadership and success, bringing a dynamic year of energy.

The previous year 2011, was the year of the rabbit.  This was meant to be a calm and placid time, though I am not so sure that many of the workers in Britain, and around the world suffering the effects of financial meltdown, would agree with this.   The years of the dragon are said to be packed with energy, power and punch.  So, look out.  If the changes that have occurred during the reign of the rabbit could be so disruptive what can we expect from the dragon?

Well, if you focus on the negative the year of the dragon could be filled be apprehension and anxiety, fear and problems.  Alternatively, it could be a dynamic year of opportunity and good fortune.  A year when you could begin new projects, develop new ideas, and create success and happiness and a lasting future.

In the Chinese system dragon years bring good luck, and babies born under the dragon are said to possess great strength and leadership qualities.   In China, dragon years, are seen as auspicious.  Birth rates increase during dragon years.

Martin Luther King is a perfect example of a successful Dragon, who was a powerful leader with a powerful vision.  Other dragons include Rhianna, Orlando Bloom, Al Pacino, Rupert Grint (Ron from Harry Potter) and not forgetting Robert Orford!.

Loyalty is also a key trait of dragons, which is probably why they make excellent spouses. However, don’t expect your dragon to be too sentimental or romantic, their self determination might just leave you in the shade.

So, whatever your plans for this year why not make success one of them.

Take care

Sean x

Live in the Present published my first Tantra book, which has done so very well, the feed back and reviews have been amazing and the sales keep on growing, thank you to everyone who has purchased a copy.

We consistently appear in the top 10 on the Amazon Kindle Store including holding the number one position on a number of occasions. This has led me to write a second Tantra book that will be published in 2012. The ebook, in it’s variety of forms, a real revolution in action.

Taking inspiration from the Ten Steps programme we have written a new book Live In The Present which will be available very soon. This inspired our new site liveinthepresent.co.uk a hub of positive thoughts and ideas that will hopefully motivate and inspire all who visit.

Inspiring others in business took me up and down the country the most memorable being in Glasgow, speaking at the IPP annual conference. Rie and I once again visited Italy and had a wonderful time. We stayed in some fabulous hotels across Europe ending with a special visit to Moet & Chandon in Epernay.

The highlights of 2011 have to be Robert being settled in Chester University and the arrival of baby William to Ed and Bethan, another dynasty is born. Wonderful.

2012

Ed, Rie and I have lots of plans for 2012 including new books and audio visual recordings and the development of the new LITP site as a focus of positive energy and communication. Described as a site ‘under construction – and always will be’ because that is the way that we each approach our lives, as a never ending journey of self development and self discovery.

During this year we will be developing a new therapy and coaching programme called “The Mind Brain System” (MBS).

This is a unique approach to coaching and therapy that utilises the natural tendency of our Mind Brain System to create habits.

The ninety day programmes, that can be taken face to face or online, explain how to change old habits that do not serve us well, such as anxiety, lack of confidence and so on. Towards new habits of positive thinking, feeling, and acting, that do serve us well.

All in all a busy and exciting year ahead, with lots to do and achieve.

Keep an eye on my website, Twitter and Facebook for all of the latest developments. As ever, if you need help in anyway do get in touch.

Sean x

When I am working with people, I see it as so very important that they are able to let go of what has been, to enable them to move on to their desired present. Too many of us drag our baggage around year after year, long after we should have just let it all go. The bottom line is that baggage wears us down and stops us moving forward, and creates states of depression.

So my suggestion to you is that, before you step into the New Year, you review all that has happened in this last year, acknowledge it all, the good and the bad, do not question it or worry it, just let it go with as much love as you can muster. Even the worst possible disasters and traumas teach us things if we have ears to hear and eyes to see, and things that we learn are never bad. In that sense, nothing bad can ever happen to us, unless we allow it to.

So before you even think about New Year resolutions and what you will do in the future, how about you make a decision to let go of the past. Time to put it down? To coincide with the new year Live in the Present will be launched. Live in the Present may help you all be here now so drop by in the new year, exciting times.

Happy New Year. Let’s make it a belter.

Take care,

Sean x

For many of us, Christmas is a magical time for our children whose excitement and expectation is wonderfully infectious. The tree full of lights sparkles in the darkness and many streets are so bright that they must be visible from the moon.

The magic of these festivals at this time of year is in the realisation of the coming of the light back to the world. Psychologically, this is the development of awareness and understanding, as the light dispels the darkness, or symbolically, good dispels evil. The symbol of the star shining over Bethlehem, as the light shining in the dark, is the same as the Chinese symbol Yin and Yang or the Hindu symbol of Hatha, both showing the relationship between the duality of consciousness and unconsciousness. Consciousness is the light that illuminates the darkness of unconsciousness.

Christmas is, at its best, a time of light, of increasing awareness, of love and joy, of acceptance, and giving. The gifts given to Jesus were represented in pagan “Yuletide” by the gifts given by the farmers, and the people at the Yule feast. Often these were animals that were sacrificed to God as an expression of gratitude for the coming of the light of the New Year.

Congratulations to Ed & Bethan who received the greatest gift of all a little boy William Charles Lamb arrived. Happy, healthy and bringing joy and love to so many people.

Enjoy the lightness and love of your festivities, be happy and merry.

Have a wonderful Yuletide and a meaningful Christmastide. I’m off to see if Santa’s been.

See you in the New Year with something very special!!

Sean x

I often see the parallels between nature and our experience of life. The idea that, in life, we have a spring, when we are developing our self as a person, a summer, when, hopefully, we blossom into luscious fruitfulness, autumn, when we review and enjoy the fruits of our labours, and a winter, when it all goes to sleep and there are endings, hopefully not too stormy.

The idea that there should be a longest, darkest night in the yearly cycle is paralleled by the “dark night of the soul”. This is often seen as a time of despair and questioning that can be full of “What is the point?”, “Why am I here?”, “Will I fail?”, “Will I be abandoned?”

When this happens for people, its effect will vary. It may simply be a question or reviewing and taking stock, for others it is the precursor of huge shifts in behaviour and attitude. It is a re-telling of the story of the people, where one builds their house on sand and the other on rock. When the storm comes, and the Earth shakes, the house that is built on rock will shift and wobble but remain upright. The house that is built on sand, that has no real foundation, will inevitably slip, slide, fall down. Then it will be time to start anew, hopefully on firmer ground.

In terms of our calendar, we have the solstice, followed by Christmas, followed by New Year. For me, New Year is the new beginning leading to a new spring, Christmas represents the lightening of human consciousness and the wonder of hope, while the solstice is the review, and it can sometimes be dark. Sometime, the solstice will represent the success of achievement and at other times, the realisation of mistake and loss.

In my calendar, the solstice is good time to consider where I am up to and make decisions about my experience of the last twelve months, what it is that I want to leave behind and what it is that I choose to take with me into the New Year.

I have just got my 2012 journal, I keep one each year, and it begins with a consideration of what has been, and all that has happened in 2011, and then it begins to focus on what will be in 2012. I am never sure about New Year resolutions, they often feel like a setup where we are bound to fail and have the all danger of giving us a negative self-image. So I opt for a focus on the year ahead.

So that if it was now the solstice for 2012, what would I like to be saying about the year, what would I have liked to have achieved in the past twelve months, how would I like to feel? That gives me a flavour and an energy for the year and sets my direction. I may not have any idea how I will achieve what I want in 2012, but I am heading in the right direction and I have good potential for success.

What does your solstice review look like?

Take care,

Sean x

Photo credit – Dinopopup on Flcikr

Harv Eker, author of “The Millionaire Mind”, famously said, “No-one ever became a millionaire watching X Factor”. In reality, no-one ever did anything while watching X Factor.
How many hours do we each spend each week doing nothing other than being intoxicated by the media? While we watch other people that the media present to us as icons of success, many of us watch and wish that we were as famous or as rich. Yet when we are watching the box, we are not doing the things that would give us the very things that we desire.

Katie Price is not my favourite person. However shallow her media presentation, she may be a deep soul in other areas of her life; it cannot be denied that she works very, very hard to be, and to get, all that she is and has. If the people that followed her as her fans put as much energy into their own lives as they do following her, they might find their own success.

Karl Marx suggested that, “Religion is the opiate of the people”, that religion served to keep people quiet, acquiescent and in order. I suspect that currently television and the media have taken the place of religion as the social drug that numbs the senses of the public so that most of us do very little. When we live our lives through icons on the screen, rather than investing our time and energy in our own existence, nothing changes; we achieve very little, and often feel that our lives are not all that we want them to be.

Success at any level of life takes commitment and time, and consistent and persistent action. No-one ever changed the world watching X Factor.

Take care,

Sean x

I hadn’t realised before now what an effect a beard could have. Movember really works. Either people ask me why my face is full of hair, face furniture, or fuzz, or they look at me, with a knowing look, and say “Movember?” I have my page on the Movemeber site and people have been donating money there, thanks for that. But the Movember guys have sent me a collection box that I can rattle under people’s noses, like the Sally Ally at the supermarket, that’s good, loads of dosh there.

Men, we need to make a change with our relationship with society. Many of the men that I work with are living in the outdated mode of the previous generation. It is about time that we renegotiated our relationship with society just as women did. We need men’s liberation.

Women are much better than men at acknowledging physical and emotional issues and checking out their bodies and their minds with their physicians. Consequently, women’s issues are often picked up much earlier than men’s. The women’s movement has been mightily proactive in recognising and dealing with all sorts of female issues. Back along, this was called “women’s liberation”.

Perhaps it is time for us men to renegotiate our relationship with all of society. Perhaps Movember is a part of this. Men’s issues have value, even if we are lousy at doing something about it. Men and emotions are important.

So Movember is over and I am free of facial hair………. until Movember 2012.

Take care, be happy

Sean x

As a therapist, and as a person, I have seen and experienced times when looking into the black pit has seemed the only realistic and right option. The forces that decide whether or not we decide to fall into the pit, or fly to the clouds, are often magical and beyond the normal sphere of our understanding.

When we become what is described as “clinically depressed”, it is as though a black cloud spreads, engulfs, suffocates, and seeps over you, within, and into everything that is you. It saps every possible hope and the possibility that there could be any point in any present and any future. At that point, there is no meaning, and no energy in anything, or for any situation.

When standing outside of such a mindset, it can seem silly or stupid. People say things like “pull yourself together” or “don’t be so stupid”. Inside such an emotion, it is the moment when there is no point, no more energy, and death becomes a positive alternative to life, the idea that in death there are no problems.

Gary I did not know you, I know my son and brother in law watched you and admired your talent. I do not know the emotional forces that took you to this point. I want to say that, in my opinion even now, you are not alone. That life, in whatever form, goes on, and that there is no ending, just as there is no beginning, there is never an end. May all the forces of the universe be with you and hold your heart at this time of your ultimate hurt. My thoughts, prayers and hopes are with you and yours.

For me, life is a journey that goes beyond individual incarnations; we are all, one now and forever.

If you feel alone find someone to talk to Mind, Rethink Mental Illness and me.

Be happy

Sean x